Midnight thoughts

I wanted to pull out pieces of me and burn alive.

I wanted to pierce this silence so that it would grow quieter.

I wanted to laugh at this absurdity till my hopes were famished. 

I wanted to scar someone till they were delicate enough to understand the world.

I wanted to scream for acceptance as an act of rebellion.

I wanted the music to make me fall asleep for more than just a night.

I wanted to tell people I pushed them because I didn't know how to hold on.

I wanted to walk into oceans to fill myself up.

I wanted to desire things.

I wanted to not be so complacent.

I wanted a sentence that could shred my insides repeatedly.

I wanted the swirling galaxies inside me to prove themselves.

I wanted the magnitude of fear to exceed its limit. Then explode.

I wanted the selfish to remain selfish.

I wanted undercover happiness and relentless euphoria.

I wanted clarity of distance.

I wanted a hopeless conversation.

I wanted assurance that we were all going to die.

I wanted green grass at 7 a.m on a sneaky Sunday morning.

I wanted a sun kissed act of poetry.

I wanted my black desires to sleep soundlessly.

I wanted my inadequacy to stop haunting even though I called out to it every night.